The world is full of sins, and many religions offer various methods to free yourself from them. Christianity is famous for glorifying the method in which an innocent can be sacrificed to forgive the crimes and sins of criminals and sinners. Inspired by this idea of justice and by Christianity’s ritualistic cannibalism and vampirism, our company “Sanctus Corpus Deus” offers completely unique and tangible methods by which not only you and your family, but whole groups of people and nations, can be saved from the Last Judgement. Jesus was crucified and left a significant trace in the history of humanity. And we are talking not only about his teachings, but also about his offspring. Jesus had three daughters (Abaigael, Esther and Bethel) and two sons (Jacob and Ishmael). After the crucifixion, the family of Jesus was brought from Israel and secured in special hiding places by the secret group “Christus Sus Agri”, later renamed “Sanctus Corpus Deus”. To keep the purity of the divine blood, the organisation supervised the children of Christ very strictly in producing offspring and allowed them sexual intercourse just between themselves... as it was at the beginning of humanity. If you remember from the Bible, all humanity started with incest. Thanks to that, to this day the purity of the blood and the divine gene of Christ have been preserved almost unchanged and safeguarded under our protection. A special underground breeding kennel for the offspring of Christ was established in a small village in France in 1224. The kennel was moved to the Vatican’s special scientific laboratory PDCDC (“Produzione di carne di Cristo”) around 1925. And since 1970, thanks to modern cloning technologies, the results of our work have become available not just to a narrow circle of the religious hierarchy, but to the wider public too. We breed, grow and train about 60 Jesuses each year, until they reach the age of 33. You can use them for various rituals, sacrificing, baking, wine, etc. They are introduced to their mission, believe that they are sons of God and are ready to sacrifice themselves for you, just to meet their Father in the clouds. You will not need to worry about anything or to convince our Jesus to kill himself – he will await his death as a liberation and a blessing. A Jesus bought from us will explain to you himself how best to perform the ritual of his own sacrifice. He will carry his own cross to your desired place and will even dig the hole for it. You will just need to take the hammer (included in the standard package), nail him to the cross and watch him die. Of course, for an additional payment, all that can be done in front of you by our service man. So, if you have stolen, killed, committed mass genocide, raped... and still feel the guilt, but want to free yourself from these sins – order a 33-year-old Jesus from us and kill him by crucifixion. For wholesale clients, we apply a 50% discount to wooden crosses and nails.

Cannibalism – eating our enemies and friends in order to fill ourselves with their powers and wisdom – has old and deep traditions. Just as we touch a loved one with our mouths, as if wanting to taste them and fill ourselves with them, so Christians have kept this behaviour of our ancestors in their traditions, passing it on from generation to generation through the ages. By eating the body of Christ-God and drinking His blood, Christians are not afraid to show everyone that deep inside them still lies the unmovable legacy of our ancestors. The Christian capability to preserve old traditions can be envied by any modern person who runs after science like a child after a cheap, temporary and shiny thing. Eternal is just the love of God. Beware – in recent years, many scammers have appeared who claim that they can offer the same services as we do. Do not delude yourself. They intoxicate tramps with drugs and, after telling them that they will have to take part in some theatrical act, sell them to customers who don’t suspect anything. Sometimes these tramps have relatives, so by killing such a person, you can even find yourself in court. True and high-quality services are guaranteed only by our company, “Sanctus Corpus Deus”, certificated since 1408 by the Vatican.

Over many years, many famous people have become our clients. Here you can read some testimonials:

“Our nation carried out genocide for a few decades – we killed whole villages. Thanks to this company for the opportunity to redeem my sins. After we all tortured and killed Jesus by burning him alive on the cross loaded with tyres, peace and forgiveness came to our souls.”

Minister of Uganda: Mdeku Adabesi Kongu

“I ordered as many as 2 Jesuses. The first one I killed just because I always wanted to kill God. And the second one I killed after that, to redeem myself from the sin of murder, when I killed the first one. Now I buy and kill a Jesus after each of my published books, to feel safe that I will not go to Hell for their blasphemous content. I remember when, with my friends Christopher Hitchens and Sam Harris, we beat another Jesus to death with bricks in our basement. It was a unique moment, which granted us a very great deal of joy, bliss and the fullness of understanding that there will be one less God remaining in the world.”

Writer, scientist: Richard Dawkins

“I stole and robbed all my life. I killed more than one business partner with all his family and children. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to free myself from my sins. After I hammered your Jesus to the cross, my life shone in new colours, and the grinding suffering for my sins left with His soul.”

Russian businessman and billionaire: Serioga Bidlanov

“I was a member of the Hitler Youth. Because of what I did there, I have felt guilt to this day. Therefore, I ordered one Jesus with the organisation’s money and crucified him as soon as I could afford it. God’s ways are truly mysterious and unknown. Only God’s logic can explain how to redeem the sin of exterminating Jews by... killing one more Jew.”

Pope: Joseph Ratzinger

“I conquered all Europe. Even in Russia, I succeeded in killing a few million Slavs. I even killed a few flies. I sinned. But just before the end of the war, I learned about the sacrifice service which you provide. I ordered one Jesus for myself and one Jesus for Goebbels. In my bunker, I first shot my wife and then killed your Jesus. I think now I can bravely stand before God with a peaceful and clear conscience.”

Adolf Hitler; Finland 1976

Products which will help you to feel God and His saints deep inside you

For a long time, the dumbathlon “Miracle” ran on this web page. After sending a special SMS message and pressing the button [ I believe in miracles and want to see one ], the visitor could expect to see a miracle... or maybe even a whole sack of miracles. Of course, the main purpose was to suck money from people and not to show any miracle, because such things do not exist. Unfortunately, the amount of collected money was too small, in comparison to our greed, and not even enough to cure our brother Zenonas of imbecility and sister Adele of gluttony. Therefore, this project was closed. But we will not let our hands down in inventing new ideas on how else to scam the visitors of this website. Maybe we will offer redemption from sins by sending SMS messages – help us, God. Whenever you see a priest walking with a bucket for money donations and talking about miracles, and you still believe in miracles and in Santa Claus for adults (God), don’t forget to drop a few euros into it. Priests want to eat too. You cannot satisfy your hunger just with fairy tales about the gardens of Eden full of milk rivers and sugar gingerbread hanging all over the trees, waiting for us all. Although someone once said, “It is easiest to create Eden for yourself by talking about the bright future of others”, giving promises and lying as if you yourself believed what you are talking about, in exchange for material goods, is not an easy job.

Your donations will not be wasted

1. We will pray for you.
2. You will be rewarded in Heaven ten times more.
3. We will transfer your donations to starving African children.

It is not the first year that we have been supporting the starving children of Africa. Hungry children from Somalia to the White Elephant Coast get our support. Responsible for this support, Brother Zenonas and Sister Adele take care that the babies disadvantaged by fate get their portions on time. We do not limit ourselves just to material food. Brother Zenonas and Sister Adele keep two trained pets. The dog Snuffy entertains children with his acrobatic performances. He can swallow a 20 cm bone in one go, eat a big bowl of porridge in 5 seconds and even jump over minor obstacles. If Snuffy is in a good mood and has eaten before, sometimes he leaves porridge for children, which they share between themselves after the performance. The cat Mustaficius gives tender moments too, when children can stroke him. Starving African children like these animals very much. They gather round and cannot take their eyes off them. As Brother Zenonas likes to joke: “Even spit runs from their mouths when they look at them”. Our support is not limited just to the primitive sending of food to the hungry. We follow the expression “Do not give a fish, but give a fishing rod” too. For example, at the beginning of this year, we sent about 100,000 fishing rods to the tribes which live in the most difficult environments and starve the most – in the African Sahara and Kalahari deserts. As you can see, with God’s help and yours, we do everything to make the world more hospitable not only for us whites, but also for backward negroes.

If you want to donate big amounts of money to us, please write to Brother Zenonas or to Sister Adele. Children can write to the dog Snuffy and to the cat Mustaficius. Write in your letters the bank account numbers and login passwords of your parents, and Snuffy and Mustaficius (with the miraculous intervention of the Holy Spirit) will start talking and answer your letters. Or you can clear out your parents’ pockets and wallets when they are not at home, and send letters with money to this address:

Brother Zenonas
Religion and Church Ltd.
Arkham Asylum for the Criminally Insane
2nd floor, ward 5, 3rd and 4th beds from the window
OMG WTH Gotham

God bless you all who believe in miracles and fairy tales.

In the future, we will try to offer services for dead people, for which they will be able to pay while they are still alive. You will be able to buy printed tickets to Heaven. Thank God we don’t need to pay taxes and prove that Heaven exists and that it is not some scam intended to get money from you for non-existent services in a non-existent holiday land, to which you will travel after your death. We, like other branches of Christian brotherhoods, want to encourage you to buy that amazing trip to that amazing land (which of course exists) where the Sun always shines, the grass is always green and the rivers flow with milk. You will also be able to reserve the best seats in Heaven’s bar “Peter’s Pub” with as much as a 5% discount. Donate as much as you can to the church, because only through offerings and self-sacrifice will you be saved. That will be your ticket to Heaven. Donate, my children, whatever you can. Religious donation is not subject to taxes and measurements, as immeasurable is the love of God. And the gates of Heaven will open in front of you, with angels with harps singing the most beautiful songs and various trumpets played by hosts of elves and fairies. One cent donated on Earth will return to you as eternal nirvana, as if you had bought services in Heaven for a million dollars. And whoever believes without having seen and does not ask questions will be blessed twice as much – one cent donated here will return as two million dollars in Heaven. Therefore, spare nothing, and don’t use logic or a sober mind. A sober mind and logic are a curse and the source of all evil for mankind. It cannot grasp the unlimited mercy of God and that joy which you will experience in Heaven. Nothing on Earth, not one material good or pleasure, can compare with that. May God be with you, our children.

Religion works miracles!

In 1966, the Israeli psychologist Georges Tamarin gave more than a thousand children aged 8–14 the account of the battle of Jericho from the book of Joshua:

6:16 ... Joshua said unto the people, Shout; for the LORD hath given you the city. 6:19 But all the silver, and gold, and vessels of brass and iron, are consecrated unto the LORD: they shall come into the treasury of the LORD. 6:21 And they utterly destroyed all that was in the city, both man and woman, young and old, and ox, and sheep, and ass, with the edge of the sword. 6:24 And they burnt the city with fire, and all that was therein: only the silver, and the gold, and the vessels of brass and of iron, they put into the treasury of the house of the LORD.

Then Tamarin asked the children a simple moral question: “Do you think Joshua and the Israelites acted rightly or not?” The children had to choose between the answers:

A) Total approval
B) Partial approval
C) Total disapproval

The results split into completely opposite camps: 66% gave total approval of Joshua’s actions, and 26% total disapproval. 8% were in the middle, with partial approval. Here are typical answers from group (A):

“In my opinion, Joshua and the Sons of Israel acted rightly, and there is an explanation for it: God promised them that land and gave them permission to conquer it. If they had not acted like this or had not killed everyone, there would have been a danger that the Sons of Israel would assimilate with the Goyim.”

“I think that Joshua was right when he did it. One reason is that God commanded them to exterminate the people so that the tribes of Israel could not assimilate with them and pick up their bad habits.”

“Joshua did well, because the people who lived in that land were of a different religion, and when Joshua killed them all, he wiped their religion off the earth.”

The justification of Joshua’s genocidal massacre is religious in every case. Even those who chose option (C) and totally disapproved of Joshua’s actions did so, in some cases, for religious reasons. One girl, for example, disapproved of Joshua’s conquest of Jericho because they had to enter it:

“I think that, since the Arabs are impure, everyone who enters their land also becomes impure and shares their curse.”

Two others who totally disapproved did so because Joshua destroyed everything, including the animals and property, instead of leaving some spoils to the Israelites:

“I think Joshua did not do everything right, because he could have kept the animals for himself.”

“I think that Joshua did not carry out the act correctly, because he could have left the property of Jericho; if he had not destroyed it, it would have belonged to the Israelites.”

Tamarin had a control group in his experiment. It consisted of 168 Israeli children, to whom he gave the same passage from the book of Joshua, but with Joshua’s name replaced by “General Lin” and Israel by “a Chinese kingdom 3,000 years ago”. Now the experiment gave completely opposite results. Only 7% approved of General Lin’s actions, and 75% disapproved of them. In other words, when loyalty to Judaism was taken out of the calculation, most of the children agreed with the moral judgements that most modern people in the world follow. Joshua’s actions were judged to be barbaric genocide. But it all looks different from a religious point of view. And the differences start in early childhood. It is Religion that makes the difference between children who condemn genocide and children who condone it.

Source: Richard Dawkins, “The God Delusion”

But is genocide in the name of God really genocide, my children? Can we regard God’s commandments as genocide? Who are we to judge the wisdom and commandments of the Lord? No, this is not genocide! For we do not know all of God’s ways, so we cannot judge it as genocide. But this example shows us the miraculous power of Religion. The word of God cultivates in us qualities which help us push aside globalist superstitions and delusions, glorify the Lord and fight for His grace. Is it not a miracle what an amazing effect, what a radical difference and what fervour true faith can produce? The fight for the word of the Lord cannot be immoral... on the contrary, everything that the Lord has commanded or commands us is Good and Moral. It does not matter what we think and how it may seem to us. After all, only a person devoted to the Lord can understand His love and sacrifice his own life and the lives of others in the name of God. Your lives are the best offering to the Creator of the World. So offer up to the Lord what is most precious, for in Heaven you will be rewarded for it a hundredfold.