This section is dedicated to human cannibalism, vampirism and similar religious insanity.

Products and Services Dumbathlon “Miracle” by Religion and Church Ltd. Santa - God of children
Products and Services

World is full of sins and many religions offers various methods, how to free yourself from them. Christianity is famous for glorifying method, when innocent can be sacrificed, to forgive crimes and sins of criminals and sinners. Inspired by such idea of justice, our company "Sanctus Corpus Deus" offers tangible methods, how you can save yourself and other people from Last Judgement. Jesus was crucified and left significant trace in the history of humanity. And we are talking not only about his teachings, but about his offspring. Jesus has three daughters (Abaigael, Esther and Bethel) and two sons (Jacob and Ishmael). After crucifixion, family of Jesus was brought from Israel and secured in special hiding places by secret group "Christus Sus Agri", later renamed to "Sanctus Corpus Deus". To keep purity of blood, organisation supervised children of Christ very strictly in producing offspring and let them sexual intercourses just between themselves... how it was in the beginning of humanity. If you remember from the Bible, all humanity started from incest. Thanks to that, till this day purity of blood and divine gene of Christ was preserved and safeguarded under our protection. Special breeding-ground vault for offsprings of Christ was establisher in small village of France in year 1224. Breeding-ground was moved in to special scientific laboratory "Produzione di carne di Cristo" of the Vatican in 1925. From year 1970, thanks to modern cloning technologies, results of our work become available not just for narrow circle of religious hierarchy, but for wide public too. We breed, grow and train about 60 Jesus each year, until they reach 33 years old. You can use them for various rituals, sacrificing, baking, wine and etc.. They are introduced to their mission and believe that they are sons of God and ready to sacrifice themselves for you, just to meet their Father in the clouds. You will not need to care about anything or to convince our Jesus to kill himself - he will wait his death as liberation and blessing. Jesus, bought from us, will explain to you, how it is better to perform ritual of his own sacrifice. He will carry his own cross to your desirable place and even will dig hole for it. You will need just to take the hammer (included in standard package), nail him to the cross and watch him die. Of course, for additional payment, all that can be done by our service man. So, if you stolen, killed, exercised mass genocide, raped... and still feel the guilt, but want to free yourself from these sins, - order 33 year Jesus from us and kill him by crucifixion. For wholesale clients we apply 50% discount for wooden crosses and nails.

Cannibalism - eating our enemies and friends, in order to fill us with their powers and wisdom, has old and deep traditions. Christians kept this behaviour of our ancestors in their traditions, passing it from generation to generation through ages. By eating body of Christ-God and drinking His blood, Christians do not afraid to show to everyone, that deep inside them lie unmovable legacy of our ancestors. Christian capability to preserve old traditions can be envied by any modern person, who runs towards science, like child after cheap, temporary and shining thing. Eternal is just love of God. Be aware - in the last years appeared scammers, who claim, that they can offer the same services as we do. Do not delude yourself. They intoxicate homeless people with drugs and after telling them that they will be needed to take participation in some theatrical act, sell them to customers, who don’t suspect anything. Sometimes these homeless people have relatives, so by killing such person, you can find yourself in a court. True and qualitative services guarantee just our company "Sanctus Corpus Deus", from year 1408 certificated by Vatican.

Sacrificial Jesus only $250.000 !!!

Sacrifice your own Jesus. In the photos you can see some moments of sacrificing. Remember, that the more Jesus will suffer, the more chances you will have to redeem your sins. Therefore don't afraid to unleash your imagination and to torture purchased Jesus as much as you can. You will get instruction book with various torture methods and recommendations, tested and approved as effective by Holy Inquisition. You can organise theme party with corresponding clothes, music and etc..

"Sacrificial Jesus" set contains:

1 Jesus
1 Wooden cross
3 Iron nails
1 Thorn "crown"
1 Hammer with steel enchainment
1 Shovel
5 Metres of flax rope
1 Spear
1 Indulgence redeeming sins

1 Book “Why it is make sense, just and good to torture and kill innocent people and children to redeem crimes and sins of criminals”

1 Book “Christian sadomasochistic fundamentals and torture instructions”

1 Book “Great God and I as worthless peace of shit - Christian basics of self humiliating and despise”

During many years many famous people become our clients. Here you can read some responses:

"Our nation exercised genocide few decades - we killed whole villages. Thanks to this company for opportunity to redeem my sins. After we tortured and killed Jesus by burning him alive on the cross loaded with tyres, peace and forgiveness came to our souls."

Minister of Uganda: Mdeku Adabesi Kongu

"I ordered even 2 Jesus. First one I killed just because I always wanted to kill God. And second one I killed after that, to redeem myself from sin of murder, when I killed the first one. I buy and kill Jesus after each of my published book now, to feel safe that I will not go to Hell for their blasphemous content. I remember, when with my friends Christopher Hitchens and Sam Harris, we smashed another Jesus with bricks in our basement. It was a unique moment, which granted us a very great deal of joy, happiness and fullness of understanding, that there will be one less God remaining in the world."

Writer, scientist: Richard Dawkins

"I stole and robbed all my life. I killed not one business partner with all his family and children. Thank you, for giving me opportunity to free myself from my sins. After I hammered to the cross your Jesus, my life shined in new colours and grinding suffering for my sins left away with His soul."

Russian businessman and billionaire: Serioga Bidlanov

"I was the member of Hitler-Youth. Because of what I did there, I felt guilt till today. Therefore I ordered one Jesus for organisation money and crucified him as quick as I could let myself to do that. God’s ways are mysterious and unknown. It is just God’s logic can explain, how to redeem from sin of eliminating Jews by... eliminating one more Jew."

Pope: Jozeph Ratzinger

I conquer all Europe. Even in Russia I succeeded to kill few millions of Slavs. I even killed few flies. I sinned. But just before end of the war I learned about services which you provide. I ordered one Jesus for myself and one Jesus for Goebbels. In my bunker at first I shot my wife and then killed your Jesus. I think, now I can bravely stand before God with peaceful and clear conscience."

Adolf Hitler; Finland 1976

Body of Christ 1 kg only $30.000 !!!

33 years old and not sacrificed Jesus are not wasted. Unused on the cross after 33 years they enrich ecclesiastical waffles of each self respecting priest. With meat of our Jesus words "body of Christ" will get absolutely other level of meaning. Our company offers exquisite meat for reasonable price: 1 kg just $30.000. We can satisfy very different needs - raw, pickled, smoked, dried, sausages, chopped. Recommended amount for ecclesiastical waffles is 3 grams meat of Jesus to 3 kilograms paste.

Body of JesusPig 1 kg only $900 !!!

If you have problems, eating 100% divine human meat or drinking 100% divine human blood during religious rituals, we have special product for you. Our predecessors always tried to create more affordable divine meat for all Christians all over the World. Unfortunately, forcing offspring of Jesus to fornicate with pigs didn’t get desirable results in the past. But today, with modern DNA manipulating technology, we managed to create new human-pig species - JesusPigs. As you know, pigs and humans share 98% of DNA. We guaranty, that all these 98% are divine and taken directly from line of Jesus. This meat is cheap to produce and tender to consume. Blood is juicy and rich with holiness, like spring water in Gardens of Heaven.

If you have some questions about meat, please write or call to our meat-taster's. They have huge experience and will be able to answer all your questions which concern you:

Aurelius Stravinski eats body of Christ from his childhood. Works as professional meat-taster 52 years.

Zigmas Kaukenas eats body of Christ from his childhood. Started to work as professional meat-taster during the blockade of Leningrad. Works as professional meat-taster 68 years.

Tomas Bertautas eats body of Christ from year 1966. Started to work as professional meat-taster after joining Christian Seventh Day Adventist organisation "Eat Christ together". Tomas says that eating body of Christ makes him happy so much as being alone in a room full of tender and juicy babies in maternity hospital. Works as professional meat-taster 22 years.

Blood of Christ 100 ml only $20.000 !!!

Another beautiful way to be united with Christ is to drink his blood. This ritual is known very long ago, but not everyone knows, that exclusive gourmands enrich their wine with real blood of Christ many centuries. Specially matured and by special technologies mixed with real blood this wine will give you sense of unforgettable taste and aroma and will make you more holly, as you almost will feel nimbus over your head. To suck blood from offspring of Christ we use just the highest quality gold needles. You can buy blood already mixed with wine ("Sanctus Christus Sauvignon" - 1 bottle just for $25.000) or you can buy just blood (100 ml price is $20.000) and mix it with your own wine.

If you have questions about blood of Christ, please write to our blood-taster's. Our specialists will answer all questions which concerns you:

Maria Apletinskaia born in 1854 and drinks blood of Christ from year 1862. From generation to generation her family passes traditions and secrets of drinking and tasting blood of Christ. During few centuries of tasting, mouth of Maria’s family evolved in to unusual for all humans form, especially adapted to suck blood. We are proud to have person with such huge experience in our company. There are no questions about blood, which she could not answer.

Diana Baurinyte drinks blood of Christ from 16 years. She become  professional taster of blood after joining Christian branch of "Red Cross" - "Drop of blood", which specializes in collecting blood from donors. She is working as professional blood-taster 37 years.

Gintaras Banevichius "BloodSucker" - Mother blended blood for him even in babies’ milk. Thanks to that, Gintaras evolved special ability to smell even group of blood precisely from more than 100 metres distance. He works as professional blood-taster 43 years.

We guaranty the highest quality of our products, which can be used even by children without fear - because, before offering them to the marked, we test everything on children. Gintare Matalyte, under parent’s supervision, eats Body of Christ already 12 years... and she wants more. Such children as Matalyte, guarantee, that not even the smallest bite of bad quality meat will reach the market.

We export our products all over the world. Drinking blood of Christ gives children unforgettable moments. Mumba Abu-Kumara Zaramba from Africa just started to know blood of Christ, but he already can't live without it and asks parents to pour as much as they can. We are filled with joy that we can present to preteen children happy and bellyful smiles of childhood, enriched with blood and body of Christ during various Christian rituals.

Glue for religious relics 100 gr only $10.000 !!!

We boil amazing glue from bones of Christ, intended to glue various religious relics as crosses, sculptures, plates, frames of paintings and etc.. No synthetics can compare and restore divine ritual relics as glue of Christ.

Holy Pope Piss 750 ml only $15.000 !!!

We are feeding you with our stories hundreds of years already. Our special drink will help you to swallow them and will appease your religious thirstiness. "Holy Pope Piss Sauvignon" - 1 bottle just for $15.000. We collected and preserved piss in barrels of almost all popes from Benedict XII times (1334-1342). Science confirmed that together with pray and sincere belief it can cure from cancer, AIDS, blindness, paralysis and many other illness and diseases. You can try it together with our holly waffles during various religious celebrations too.

Sacrificial Knife-Cross, blessed by Pope himself only $199 !!!

Do you remember that beautiful story, how Abraham, ordered by God, without shadow of doubt wanted to butcher his son Isaac? Just true Christian will understand, how Christian is, after hearing voices in your head, ordering to kill your own children, take a knife in your hand and kill them - sacrifice them to God. This Biblical legend in Christianity was told from lips to lips, as true and worth following example of Christian devotion to belief. Therefore our company decided to offer you special product. This is cross with built-in knife, which you can always carry with you. It will not just emphasize your bondage to Christianity, but with it... you will never be caught unexpected by God's request. Right after you will hear God's or angel's voice, ordering you to sacrifice your children to Him, by one click you will be able to unbend blade of this knife and slice throats of your children - how and teaches us Bible – the highest moral manual book of all humanity.

Products which will help you to feel God and His saints inside of you

Sanctus Corpus Deus

Dumbathlon “Miracle” by Religion and Church Ltd.
PLAN Monthly fee Call to home Ordering Mass Affusion of home with holy water
"SUPER DEMON" 120 EUR 30 EUR free free

Some time ago, dumbathlon “Miracle” worked on this web page. After sending special SMS message and pressing button [ I believe in miracles and want to see one ] visitor could expect to see a miracle, or even maybe all sack of miracles. Of course, main purpose was to suck money from people and not to show any miracle, because such things does not exist. Unfortunately, amount of collected money was too small, in comparison to our greed, and even not enough to cure our brother Zenonas from imbecility and sister Adele from gluttony. Therefore this project was closed. But we will not let our hands down, inventing new ideas, how to scam people. Maybe we will offer redemption from sins by sending SMS messages – help us God. Whenever you will see a priest, walking with bucked for money donation and talking about miracles, and you will believe in miracles and Santa Claus for adults (God) still, don’t forget to drop in it few bills. Priests want to eat too. You cannot fulfil your hunger just with fairy-tales about gardens of Eden full with Milk Rivers and sugar cookies hanging all over trees, waiting for as all. Creating Eden for yourself by talking about bright future of others, giving promises and lying, like you believe yourself, what you are talking about, it is not easy job.

Your donations will be not wasted

1. We will pray for you.
2. You will be rewarded in Heaven ten times more.
3. We will transfer your donations to starving African children.

It is not the first year we are supporting starving children of Africa. Hungry children from Somalia to White Elephant Coast get our support. Responsible for this support brother Zenonas and sister Adele care, that disadvantaged by fate babies will get their portions in time. We are not limiting ourselves just with material food. Brother Zenonas and sister Adele keep two trained pets. Dog Snuffy entertains children with his acrobatic performances. He can swallow 20 cm bone with one take, eat big bowl of porridge in 5 seconds and even jump over minor obstacles. If Snuffy is in good mood and eaten before, sometimes he leaves porridge for children, which they share between themselves after performance. Cat Mustaficius gives tender moments too, when children can fondle him. Starving African children like very much these animals. They cannot take away their eyes from them. How brother Zenonas likes to joke "Even spit runs from their mouths when they look at them". Our support is not limited just with primitive food sending to hungry. We follow expression "Do not give fish, but give fish-rod" too. For example, at the beginning of this year, we sent about 100000 fish-rods to tribes, which live in most difficult environments in African Sahara and Kalahari deserts.

If you want to donate us big amounts of money, please write to brother Zenonas or to sister Adele. Children, can write to dog Snuffy and to cat Mustaficius. Write in your letters bank account numbers and connecting passwords of your parents and Snuffy with Mustaficius (with miraculous intervention of Holy Spirit) will answer to your letters. Or you can clear your parent’s pockets and wallets, when they are not at home, and send letters with money to this address:

Brother Zenonas
Religion and Church Ltd.
"Sunshine" mental hospital - 2 floor, 5 ward, 3 and 4 beds from the window
OMG WTF Nigeria

God bless you all, who believe in miracles.

This is brother Zenonas, spotted by sending money to starving African children. Brother Zeononas collects donations by hiring local residents, who write to stupid foreigners letters about how some dying from cancer billionaire banker wants to transfer and share his millions with honest people. Zenonas can do anything for children.

Sister Adele dreamed to become ballerina all her life, but after she broke spines of her three partners, she was forced against her will to abandon this idea. But she doesn’t lose hope and in this photo you can see her eating diet cake. Usually her diet ration compounds from fat meat cooked in oil and plastered over with thick layer of fat. Last year she even lost 103 grams of weight.

Children’s darling Snuffy is benchmark of local village. Children tried to seduce and kidnap him not once. Brother Zenonas was forced not once to rescue Snuffy from his admirers. One child even managed to sneak in to his dog-house and eat his porridge one time. Everything went fine after all, not mentioning some small harm, when Snuffy bit off his one ear completely and shredded his leg, which doctors later were forced to amputate, because there are not enough medicaments in Africa to sterilise wounds (send us money and we will buy medicaments for poor children). After that accident children don't sneak in to Snuffys dog-house anymore and satisfy themselves with bones, dug by Snuffy outside of his dog-house.

Tender Mustaficius is true soul of home and often rests on his favourite armchair, not letting to sit there even for brother Zenonas. He is friendly with everyone. Maybe sometimes he fights just with Snuffy for porridge. But their relations are not very tense, because Snuffy is too lazy to chase Mustaficius, and Mustaficius doesn’t show any fear and even doesn't try to jump on trees when he spots Snuffy. Mustaficius doesn't like unspiritual westerners. When some American or European tourists visit parish of Zenonas, he never miss his chance to shit in their shoes. This tradition became part of local entertainment.

In the future we will try to offer services for dead people, for which they will be able to pay, when they are still alive. You will be able to buy printed tickets to Heaven. Thank God we don't need to to pay taxes and prove that Heaven exists and it is not some scam, intended to get money from you for nonexistent services in nonexistent holiday land, to which you will travel after your death. We, as other branches of Christian brotherhoods, want to encourage you to buy that amazing trip to that amazing land (which of course exists) where Sun is always shining, grass is always green and rivers are from milk. Also you will be able to reserve best seats in Heaven's bar "Peters Pub" with 5% discount. Donate as much as you can. Religious donation is not dependant on taxes and measurements, as immeasurable is love of God. And gates of Heaven will open in front of you with most beautiful song singing angels with harps and various trumpets plaid by elves and fairies. One cent donated on Earth will return to you with eternal nirvana, like you would buy services in Heaven for million dollars. And who will believe and will not ask questions, will be blessed twice as much – one cent donated here will return as two million dollars in Heaven. Therefore do not repent and don't use logic and sober mind. Sober mind and logic are curse and source of all evil for mankind. It cannot grasp unlimited mercy of God and that joy, which you will experience in Heaven. Nothing on earth, not one material good and pleasure, can compare with that. May God be with you, our children.

Sanctus Corpus Deus

Santa - God of children

Batman, Superman, Robin Hood - people are obsessed to have mystical benefactor. Idea about such, flying in the sky, benefactor is installed from an early age. In the beginning… this idea is introduced and indoctrinated by our parents. And “holy fathers”, after some modifications, continue its support in us later. There are many similarities between Santa Claus and God. Except one is designed more for children and another is designed more for adults. Both of them look alike - old aged males with a large, white beard. Both are invisible. Both have super powers and rewards for good behavior (what is good behavior, is determined by our parents or by “holy fathers” - a “higher level” moral “authority”). Both of them have young and pretty girls on their side - Mary and Snow White. One, for his magic works, uses mysterious elves and gnomes and another uses small and big (children) angels. It's like the same person, which changes his clothes once a year and goes exclusively to all children of the World.

Santa Claus - The first version of globally spread benefactor idea to which children are introduced. Because he is made for children, he usually dresses in glaring (red, blue, …) colors and spangles. His carriage, capable to fly, is dangled by entertaining jingles and bells. He has a big bag of sweets and gifts for good kids. Sometimes children leave (sacrifice) him milk and biscuits. Off course many of us already know, that adults simply lie and deceive children and believe that it is beneficial for children and them (of course, children learn from this example that it is ok to lie and deceive sometimes. They pay back with the same behavior later to their parents). Day comes, when children notice that it is their parents, who sneak to the Christmas tree night, like some criminals. Then children realize (if parents do not bullshit them with another hoax story) that Santa Claus is a human hoax and earthly creature, that real Santa Claus doesn’t exist and was made up by parents. But not everyone learns a lesson from that. It comes the time to stumble upon similar, but not so fun, rake the second time. His name is God..

Almighty God - He is made for adults, but can serve children too. He is much subtle creature. His dress and appearance is not so color shining, and intended for more educated and more experienced audience. He can fly across the sky, but in more serious fire breathing carriage also (although he stopped such practice with invention of video and photo cameras). As with children, this Creature gives gifts to good adults too, but they are not some childish stuff. These are more serious and corresponds seriousness and higher level, which is appropriate for adults. In return, people make sacrifices to this Beast also... money, devotion, even each other sometimes. People offer obedience to His representatives on Earth (as children are obedient to representatives of Santa Claus – to their parents). People build houses of worship, where they wish things by praying (children usually write letters – it seems children are more practical than adults in this specific matter). Holy fathers support and preserve myth of His existence between adults. They, exactly like our parents, think that it is beneficial for us (if to be precise …it is more beneficial for them). It is much more difficult to reveal lie of “holy fathers”, because their Benefactor - God is as complex and complicated, as the thinking of adults. In addition, the adult version of the Benefactor doesn’t visit Christmas trees all over the World personally and doesn’t leave material evidences of His existence. It is difficult to catch priests, running around with mountains of shop gifts, dressed as God, and in such way clear out this cleverly constructed divine hoax.